I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
