I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
