I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
