yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
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Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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