When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
