Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bring me that man meat
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
