Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
