let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius