I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.