How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?