this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
