About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...