hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be