so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
