I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
