so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
