I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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