Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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