omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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