areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
