Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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