I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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