Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
