escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
