so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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