But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
