I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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