I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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