Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I'm really busy with my period
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
