i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He kissed a someone with a penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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