i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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