Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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