i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
