Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize