everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
