remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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