Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
