I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
