is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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