Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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