Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
