my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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