he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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