if you like me you must not know who I am
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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