I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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