last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
