would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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