I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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