so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
