I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
