There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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