I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
