my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
