i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize