Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
