Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So much rum. So many feels.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
