It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
