What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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