You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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