I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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