What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
