i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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