So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
