Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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