So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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