i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
