Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
