I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
