I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize