The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
