glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
