So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
