He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
