my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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