here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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