I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
