You can't special order awesome
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
